The first Portals to Peace workshop I attended was years ago in 2008. To more accurately show the space I was in at the time, I will provide some background on myself. I am a survivor of rather traumatic and dark abuse from my childhood. The abuse deeply affected (and somewhat affects) me, though I refused to ever talk about it. Toward the end of my high school years, I began to use drugs to escape the pain. I was introduced to Beth Amine and her workshops in 2008 by another loving woman while I was in a rehab program. Upon arriving at the workshop, I felt lost and felt I had no creativity to put out. Others around me were madly painting and mixing colors and laughing while I just stared at a blank box. Beth gently urged me to “let go” and not think too much, that my creativity would come out. Trusting that, I began to mix some paints and started painting without having an end goal in mind. Long story short, I ended up with a simple but powerful shrine. When I wanted help looking for a certain pattern, Beth used her personal computer to help me find desired patterns and printed them out for me! It felt as if her soul was reading mine. I poured more emotion and heart into my shrine than I thought possible. Without going into too much detail, I was able to channel- if you will- the love I have for my brothers that have passed and love for myself and others into my shrine. Though a simple piece, I valued it very much from the time I created it. It is four years later and I still carry my shrine with utmost love and care and importance. In these four years I’ve moved about 6 times, each time wrapping up and bringing my shrine with me. I recently made a move to Mount Shasta and was unable to bring most of my worldly possessions with me. Almost automatically, I placed this shrine into my lockbox as one of the more important things that I could not leave behind.
When I created this shrine, I was hurting, scared, but willing to embrace something better. When I look at the softer blue of the outside, I feel it represents how I felt at the time- quiet and subdued. Yet when the shrine doors open, it is an intense red and gold with simple pieces adorning the inside. I feel this represents the passion and life that had always been inside of me. Over these years I have added ornaments, taken some away, added pictures and drawings, taken some away.. It is like a living, breathing work of art that ebbs and flows with my spirit and heart. Currently, it is hanging by my bed, adorned with simple crystal and some candles. Each night, I look to it to regain supreme calm and gratitude. Still to this day, when I look at this shrine I am reminded of the gratitude I felt when I was allowed to create this. Having been in my addiction for so many years, I had lost a lot of faith in myself and darkness from my childhood constantly haunted me. I remember feeling peace as my shrine came together, and being grateful to re-realize the love, life and creativity we all have inside of us. I also remember with much fondness the way Beth encouraged me and my work of art. In those few hours, I went from not believing I had much good or creativity left in me to realizing that all I have to do is search for it and embrace it.
Perhaps it is simply the intent and effort I put into creating this, but I love my shrine. While I was willing to give up furniture, electronics, things with monetary value during this move, my shrine remained one of the most important things to me. Again, perhaps it is just the intent or heart or will that I put into it, but I imagine that it holds some power or special meaning to me. Each morning and each night I thank all the light, love and goodness in the world as I look to this portal to peace and my heart smiles. At the risk of sounding “new agey”, I still felt I wanted to share this. When i get bombarded with the mundane of everyday life, I am reminded that I am connected to spirit as I come around this portal to peace. With utmost gratitude, I send thanks to Beth and the opportunity to have created something so beautiful and important to me. Thank you for reading.
I also made a pink and yellow shrine that holds a fairly different meaning to me.
About nine months after my first portals to peace workshop, I had the priviledge and opportunity to attend another one! At this time, I had less time to focus on my shrine making, but had moved forward in my recovery and was in the midst of embracing new life. Though the center of my soul remains unchanging, I was in a different place than I was when I attended my first workshop. I was surprised at the outcome of my second shrine. I am not a “girly girl” and sometimes intentionally avoid the color pink, (Perhaps this has to do with my childhood?) yet this portal to peace ended up a beautiful pastel pink on the outside and a rich yellow on the inside! Keep in mind that I am not a painter or artist, but with the paints provided by Beth I was able to mix these shades of color. I ended up adorning the outside border of the shrine with a string of pink flowers and to my surprise I loved it. A part of me kept thinking, “This is not me. I don’t like pink and flowers and girly girl stuff…” Turns out I do. It was like discovering another part of my heart and self. I found the brighter, lighter more vibrant side of myself that became willing to admit that I indeed to love flowers and like the color pink. 🙂 This shrine is also still with me and remains precious and important. I hang this one above or near my desk everywhere I move. I am more playful with this one, as I add things to it all the time. I love to add crystals and seashells and random things from nature that I find. While my first shrine remains more calm and meditative, this one brings me peace of a different kind. I like to keep it around my desk as I have decided to give going back to school a shot and struggle with focus and discipline. When I start to internally squirm at the thought of homework and studying, I look up and see the bright yellow and pink and flowers and shells, etc to remind me that I am surrounded by something bright and beautiful and alive with nature. This helps me to calm and center myself and I am able to move into a space that helps me be grateful for an opportunity to go back to school and study.
Naturally, I was not attended school for the first few years I had this and liked to think of it as my “daytime shrine.” Even during the darkest winter nights, I am reminded that a vibrant and colorful spring is just a few steps ahead.
I really feel that this shrine taught me a lot about myself. Other than the lighter things like realizing that I like the color pink and whatnot, it helped me to express a more childlike innocence and love of “things pretty.” It gave me a kind of freedom as I looked at this piece and felt that I, too, had things pretty within myself and heart. Being a child of abuse, this was something bigger than I could put into words.
Overall, these workshops are a fantastic “portal” or opportunity to search within the self and even become surprised at what we find. I know I was. These shrines have nothing to do with artistic ability or what we define as creativity, but have everything to do with the things and desires and passions of our hearts. I love to deck out my second shrine with colorful crystal and hang things from the “ceiling” inside of it. It reminds me of the purity of childhood and the days when I was allowed to be more free. Life is life and many times can bog down on us, for so many years I felt as if I were not allowed to be free; as these years have passed and beautiful experiences and people have touched my life, I realize that my freedom is always there and I need only to consciously recognize it and embrace it. Beth Amine’s workshops and simple conversations with Beth herself were some of the first steps I took to reclaiming me spiritual and emotional freedom. I will always, always be unendingly grateful for Beth the person, her workshops, the opportunity to push something beautiful out of my heart and my shrines themselves. I can only hope that others will enjoy this amazing experience, too. Of course the experience looks different for everyone, but this was my experience. Thank you for reading.
-K
